Lets just say...

EXPLICIT POST

CAUTION WHEN READING. Some may be offended by the contents of this post. Not suitable for children under the age of 15.

You have been warned.

I should also say, this blog is a personal reflection of my moments of frustration with the world in which I am living in in Spain. It is at time offensive, but for that reason, all names and locations have been omitted entirely from this blog. If you are not interested in moments of frustration that occur in my life during my time studying in Spain, then for God's sake, don't read this entry.

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UPDATE 1.1 5/11/09:

So it comes to mind another event that happened a few weeks ago. I know this will be mentioned in passing in the following paragraphs, but I'm going to write in a little bit of detail here.

It was about half way into my program, and as it happens every week or so, a couple of young French girls had come to stay in the apartment. During the first night they were here, I learned that they were 14 years old each (one was very stubborn on the fact that she was 2 months from being 15) and the hailed from the grand city of Paris. I'm pretty sure, I don't remember exactly, but I THINK it was Paris.

We sat around the living room table eating dinner and we talked about their time in Andalusia and how its been. When we finished eating, as is custom with most people in Europe apparently, they decided it was time to smoke. Now I thought it was just going to be my senora, so she went into the kitchen, and I went into my room to fetch the laptop so that I could check my emails and deal with a little bit of work I had to take care of. When I set up in the window, I realized there were several voices coming from the kitchen. What could this be? -I thought.

I walked out to join in on the conversation and there they were; Two 14 year olds and one 54 year old Smoking in the kitchen. One of the girls spoke a little bit of english, so I said, 'geez! 14!? And you are already smoking?' She just smirked.

Thats when my senora turned around and said, ' ohh... Thats Paul. He doesn't like smoking- Paul es muy sano- Paul el Sano' Paul is very health- (renaming me) Paul the Health. So at that I just rolled my eyes, and she continued with it, of course mocking me to these 14 year old girls right in front of my face-

"Smoking is good right?? (a small giggle from the girls) Smoking is Good for the Health! (Shouting) Smoking es BUENO para la salud!! Shout with me! Smoking is GOOD for the health!"

At that, I was so awestruck all I could say was first "Smoking may be good for the mind..." And after she shouted it again, this time using French words, I said- "Senora... you are absolutely crazy..."

And with that, I returned to my computer flabbergasted...

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Ok, so I know I've given you a little bit of insight into my senora form of thinking, and it generally tends to be low end- as in its often over critical and brusque. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the things she does for me, even if I am paying for her to do them, but she's not exactly the sharpest tool in the box. She often does not recognize that the things I say in Spanish don't always mean literally what I am actually saying, but are more often an attempt at finding the words that mean the same thing that I intend to say- which as anyone who has studied languages would know, is not an easy thing to do and misunderstanding often errupt from the wrong selection of words.

In all honesty, she tends to either keep her mouth shut when it comes to responding to the at times ridiculous things I say myself on accident, or only says things that are only HALF retarded when it comes to explaining the rationalization for smoking, but from time to time, she opens up and lets out a jumble of crap that simply surpasses the rest. And by this I mean she does things such as getting on my case a lot about things that are arbitrary, like getting 14 year olds to smoke in the kitchen, and shout how "smoking is GOOD for the Health!"

In this blog, I'm going to record as many of the absurd, idiotic, ridiculous, irrational, and nonsensical things as I can that she says to me... because it blows my mind every time. Mostly because its often so stupid, it borderline makes me mad. Moments that make this blog won't happen ALL the time, but when they do, they are worth recording. And you're going to have to just deal with my frustrations at the moment of posting.

But hey, that makes it more real.

Therefore, I will most likely, over the next couple weeks, update this blog with things that I hear, or things that I recall. So if you get the entry multiple times... there's probably been an update.

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Ok, so lets start with something that my senora said not more than 10 minutes ago, after which I rushed into my room to snatch my computer to write this entry.

Here's how it went down:

Last night, I decided to stay in because my throat was feeling raw and I didn't want to overextend myself. I had only 4 hours of sleep the night before and I had walked quite a bit that day, so I thought it best to rest a night. My senora smokes, as you all know, and it bugs me, but I put up with it, because shes 54, and like most old people, is set in her ways and has resigned herself to a horrid gasping death, deprived of oxygen and decent quality of life.

I went outside for about an hour to do some homework and breath relatively fresh air, and when I came back in, lunch was almost prepared. So I set the table, and opened the blinds to let some fresh air in because her smoke was bugging my throat. Here's when it went wrong.

She comes out of the kitchen, and says to me, (in Spanish of course), "Paul, if you open the blind, the rooms gonna fill with flies." So I say, "Well, the thing is Manuela, my throat hurts today, and your cigarette smoke is bothering it."

Heres the Killer line. She replies, "Well Paul, come on! When you go to the discoteca (which I haven't been to ANY in at least 2 months), everyone there smokes! Or when you walk out into the street, there are people smoking and cars." So I replied, "well I didn't go out last night you know..." and she finished with cutting me off by saying, "that doesn't matter!"

That just killed me. First I was blown away by how it was possible that she could really be THAT stupid to say that. Then I just got mad that she would be RUDE enough, or even have the AudACIty to actually say it! No I know it may be rude to post my thoughts on this... but damn.

In case the reason for this absurdity isn't apparent to you, I'll go ahead and explain.

First of all, if I open a window on the second floor for 30 minutes, 100 flies are NOT going to swarm in. Second of all, Yeah, I KNOW there is pollution and smokers outside, but you know what they aren't CONCENTRATED into 15 square feet. So even if it is dirty air, its CLEANER and at LEAST less frigan smelly than the shit she is breathing out! And finally, MY THROAT IS SORE! You hijo de puta. Honestly. If I got to a club or bar, who cares if people are smoking, because if I'm going, my throat isn't going to be hurting. If it was, I wouldn't go there. Duh. Unless thats what you crazy ass Spaniards who apparently couldn't tell an apple from a computer DO. Good god. And she was completely serious.

I have to listen to stupid (stuff)shit like this all the time have you. And so it gets tough to shrug off. But for now, its lunch time, so I'm gonna eat smoke covered food. Because she smokes as she cooks. But hey, at least it tastes amazing.